Happy new year!

Just wanted to say a happy new year to everybody out there, and give you lots of hugs, kisses, and good wishes for 2007.

The rumor mill

Isn't it funny how people start a rumor for no apparent reason? I've just learned that my father's cousin had heard from her daughter, who apparently had talked to my cousin, whom I should've had a conversation with a long while ago. My cousin had said to the daugther that she had told me she was a lesbian and that I should've replied that I totally knew what she felt. Some interpretations later, my dads cousin had started talks about me being gay (which, of course, is true, from a certain point of view, but oh so wrong in this context).
The problem with this is that I had never had that talk with my cousin! So how this rumor got started is beyond me. But the moral of the story is that you shouldn't really share information like that unless you have it straight from the horse's mouth.

"It is a wise father that knows his own child"

William Shakespeare was a wise man. The topic of this post is one of his quotes about fatherhood. And a quote that somehow fits my situation. Ever since I told my mother about myself she's had a lot to digest. I haven't actually heard from her since that night two weeks ago. In the meantime, my father came home from a hunting trip and also learned about The Letter. They tried calling me a couple of times, but unfortunately I wasn't around to answer the phone. And then they went on a holiday for a week without being able to call me. They got back home again on sunday around 3am, so last night my father gave me a call. He told me that, of course, he was surprised with the revelation, but he wasn't as... shocked (that is the wrong word, since shock is such a strong mental reaction, but when you learn something like this about your son, it will be a small shock)... as my mother was. That was actually very nice to hear. It sounded like he took this very nice. A sign that he might know me better than I thought. Which again brings us back to Shakespeare's quote.
I rate my father right up there with Shakespeare. Not necessarily because of my father's poetry skills, but because he is apparently just as wise.

Sleepless in Seattle

My mom did call last night. After a letter like the one I sent her, how could she not call. She said that I would always be the same to her, and that she didn't understand. If she understood at once I would've been really surprised. This isn't a situation most people can place themselves in.
She also said that my father and her had talked about me (behind my back... how dare they :P (no negative things said though)) and that they actually thought I was homosexual. At least they knew that something wasn't completely right, and even though they were wrong in their assumptions, they were on the right track. After all, I am a lesbian woman caught in a man's body.
After our chat she said she had to digest this issue a bit more, and I don't blame her. It's a lot to take in. I provided her with links to some websites and I hope she'll read them today to get a better understanding of what being a transgender person actually involves.
Needless to say, this night was a night of constant falling asleep, waking up again, falling asleep, waking up, and so on and so forth. But it's good to know that it's now in the open, and that it can only go one way from here... falling asleep at the office... and going mentally up the stairs which I've, until now, gone down.

No way back

The letter I wrote to my mom is now resting on the pillow of her bed. I've left the house, and all she has to do is read it and call me... either tonight or tomorrow evening. Whatever my actions from here on, my situation is now officially out in the open. I'm really nervous about the forthcoming phone call I'll get. Hopefully it will all turn out pretty good, but the option of complete denial is there, albeit fairly slim. I wonder if I'm going to get any sleep tonight at all.